Are You Thriving or Just Surviving in Retirement?

Does this sound familiar....

Work your ass off and save your money until you’re 67, focus hard on your superannuation and then you get to go on cruises, play golf every day and just chill out.  Sounds great right?

Well it can be, for a time.

You deserve to chill out, you’ve worked hard, you earned those sleep-ins and the right to sit on the couch and smash Netflix. 

The problem starts when a day turns into a week, turns into a month, turns into a year turns into years.

You can then start to feel a bit ripped off.  This doesn’t feel like the retirement I thought it would be.  I’m bored, I don’t see any of my old friends from work anymore, actually I’m not really seeing many people these days, just my partner and the kids every now and then.  I sort of feel invisible, isolated and that makes me feel anxious and depressed.  I stopped working out, I’m eating badly, don’t feel great in my body and I’ve lost motivation.  Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem and I’m failing at retirement.

If this is resonating with you, you’re definitely not on your own.  Many retirees find themselves in this trap, an unexpected challenge.  This is not how it was supposed to be, retirement is meant to be the time of my life and I’m just surviving here.

Transitioning from routine, structure, goal setting and a career that gave you purpose and meaning can leave people feeling adrift.  Are you still looking at your phone every day waiting for the important call or the 100 emails to come and they just don’t? Again, you are not alone however don’t stress, there is a way through this maze.  I have learned that there is a road map out of surviving to thriving and that if you address some key issues that you can elevate your life to more fun and meaning than you thought possible.  Here’s the thing, a happy retirement has less to do with the money in the bank (although financial security is a good thing) and more to do focus, relationships, giving back and tapping back into the inner child.

As a counsellor specialising in retirement transitions across Bayside, Kingston, and Melbourne, I've worked with countless people navigating this complex life change.

The Difference Between Thriving and Surviving in Retirement

Surviving retirement often looks like this: You wake up without a clear sense of purpose for the day. Time feels both endless and somehow wasted.

You might be comfortable, financially secure and physically healthy, but there's an underlying restlessness or emptiness. Days blur together and whilst you're not unhappy, you're certainly not energised or excited about what lies ahead.

Thriving in retirement feels fundamentally different: You wake up with a sense of purpose and anticipation. Your days have meaning, even if they're not as structured as your working life once was.

You feel connected to others and engaged with activities that matter to you. There's a sense of growth, contribution and authentic satisfaction with how you're spending your time.

Signs You Might Be Surviving Rather Than Thriving

• Feeling like you're just killing time rather than living purposefully

• Social isolation or relying too heavily on one or two relationships

• Loss of identity now that your career is no longer defining you

• Difficulty making decisions about how to spend your time

• Feeling disconnected from your community or the world around you

• Struggling with health challenges without a strong support network

• Financial anxiety despite having adequate resources

Common Traps That Keep Retirees Stuck in Survival Mode

Understanding the common pitfalls can help you recognise if you've fallen into any of these patterns and, more importantly, how to climb out of them.

The Achievement Trap

After decades of measuring success through career milestones, promotions and external validation, retirement can feel like falling off a cliff. 

Without clear metrics for "success," many retirees struggle to find direction or feel accomplished.

The Social Isolation Trap

Work provides built-in social connections, shared goals and regular interaction. When that structure disappears, many retirees find themselves increasingly isolated, especially if their social circle was primarily work-based.

The Health Decline Trap

Healthy life expectancy is 71, what does that mean? Stroke, Heart Attack, Dementia, Cancer, Diabetes.  Right at the time when you might be planning your bucket list BAM, you get hit.  You wanted to travel to Greece, to walk the streets of Rome, to trek to Machu Pichu or to caravan around Australia.  It is never too late to start to exercise.  Ask yourself this question: Do I want it to be hard to get out of a chair or do I want the hard of exercising now? Do you want to happily walk the streets of your bucket list or do you want to be sick, tired, depressed grieving the trip that could have been? Both are choices available to all of us.

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The "I Should Be Happy" Trap

There's enormous pressure to be grateful and content in retirement.  Problems can arise when people are not “feeling it”.  I should be having the time of my life. I should be happy all the time. I should be travelling and ticking the bucket list. I should be doing this, I should be doing that.  The “shoulds” need to be avoided, they do not help in fact they can exacerbate the issues that we are facing.  Retirement is different for everyone and really do we want constant happiness or do we need to change the aim.  Happiness is something that comes and goes, peace is a state of being where we can experience the full range of emotions.

The Routine Rigidity Trap

Some retirees create overly rigid routines that replicate the structure of work without the meaning.

Whilst routine can be helpful, when it becomes an end in itself rather than a means to meaningful engagement, it can feel empty. 

Pick a fight with a routine that works for you:

• Get up early

• Gratitude

• Walk

• Exercise

• Breath work

• Sauna

Then you can leave the rest of the day to be flexible or get out after that day.  Accomplishing something hard first thing in the day sets the tone for the rest of the day and makes you resilient.  You are far more likely to eat well, drink less and prioritise sleep when you start the day with a health first approach.

The Identity Crisis Trap

This is where a lot of retirees can become stuck.

"What do I do now that I don't do what I used to do?" Many people struggle with the identity shift from their professional role to... what exactly? What do you say when people ask you “what do you do?” Try talking about what you do now instead of what you did.

“I’m concentrating on bringing my handicap down and mentoring young people”

“I’m working on my health and trying to drop a few kilos”

“I have reignited my passion for photography”

“I head up to the mens shed and chat with the boys”

“I do yoga with the ladies twice a week”

Retirement Counselling: Moving from Surviving to Thriving

If you don't work hard in retirement, retirement will be hard. Thriving in retirement doesn't happen automatically, but it also doesn't require a complete life overhaul.

Here are practical strategies that can help shift you from surviving to thriving:

Rediscover Your Core Values

What matters most to you now that you're not constrained by career demands? This might be:

• Family

• Creativity

• Learning

• Helping others

• Exploring new interest

Your retirement should align with these values, not just fill time.

Invest in Relationships

Make conscious efforts to maintain and build social connections. This could involve:

• Joining clubs

• Taking classes

• Volunteering

• Simply being more intentional about staying in touch with family and friends

  
  

Quality relationships are one of the strongest predictors of retirement satisfaction.  We also need to practice how to make new friends.  Try introducing yourself to the local barista, post office worker, or chemist.  Try to make eye contact, a head nod, how’re you going, nice morning.  A compliment, I like your earrings/T-shirt.  These micro interactions all add up and will be our armor to feeling invisible.

Embrace Learning and Growth in Retirement

Retirement is an ideal time to pursue interests that were sidelined during your career. Whether it's learning a new skill, exploring history, or diving deep into a hobby, continued learning keeps your mind engaged and provides a sense of progression.

Find Ways to Contribute and Give Back by Volunteering

The people I see who are the happiest, most connected and living their fullest lives in retirement are the ones who volunteer, but it is the one thing that I find it the hardest to convince people that it is worth it.  Many thriving retirees find meaning through contributing to something larger than themselves. This might be mentoring, volunteering, sharing your expertise or supporting causes you care about.

The key is finding ways to use your experience and skills in service of others.

Prioritise Physical and Mental Wellbeing

This isn't just about avoiding illness; it's about maintaining the energy and capacity to fully engage with life.  Exercise is our natural ani-depressant, anti-anxiety medication.  It is as much about our mental fitness as it is about our physical fitness.

Regular exercise, social connection, purposeful activity, and mental stimulation all contribute to thriving rather than just surviving.

Plan for the Unexpected

Resilient retirees have backup plans and support systems. What would you do if your health changed, if you lost a spouse, or if your financial situation shifted?  Evidence suggests that it is not enough to have a bank of accomplishing difficult things to be truly resilient; we need to push and do hard things every day.  That is where a great morning routine with exercise can come in and not just keep us mentally and physically fit but train our bodies to react to stress when it happens.

Looking for retirement counselling in Bayside or Kingston? I offer flexible, mobile sessions that meet you wherever you feel most comfortable as we explore what thriving in retirement looks like for you.

How Retirement Therapy Supports a Thriving Mindset

Many people are surprised to learn that retirement counselling exists, but it makes perfect sense when you consider that retirement is one of life's major transitions, often as significant as starting a career or becoming a parent.  The big difference here is that we are educated about parenthood, or starting that job, or travelling, there is little to no education about retirement, other than superannuation and a holiday.

Processing the Transition

Retirement involves multiple losses: loss of routine, identity, social connections and purpose.  A loss that does not get a lot of air play is the loss of what we thought retirement would be.  We thought it would be a holiday, the time of our lives and if that does not happen it can feel like falling off a cliff.

Counselling provides a space to acknowledge and work through these losses whilst building towards what comes next.

Addressing Relationship Changes

Retirement often puts pressure on marriages and family relationships as roles and routines shift.  Codependent relationships can occur and that is not a healthy place to be.  This is why I push couples to diversify some activities, to do some things together but to have something separate, to leave solo and come back to the home with a story of what happened throughout the day.  It also gives you access to other friendship groups, the more the merrier. Counselling can help navigate these changes and strengthen important relationships during this transition.

Managing Anxiety, Fear and Depression

The isolation and loss of purpose that can accompany retirement sometimes leads to mental health challenges.  This is a hard one.  I say to people “ there is a loneliness epidemic, people lose their purpose and meaning but what does that actually look like?

• Anxiety

• Fear

• Depression

• Increase Alcohol and drug use

• Family Violence

• Isolation

• Boredom

• Suicide

Early intervention through counselling can prevent minor adjustment issues from becoming major problems.

Creating Accountability

Sometimes the hardest part of thriving in retirement is simply getting started, especially if you feel like you are surviving and everyone around you or thriving.  I like to say that we experience the life we focus on, so what are you focusing on?

Regular counselling sessions provide structure, accountability, focus and support as you work towards creating the retirement life you want.

Why an Active Approach Works for Retirement Counselling

Traditional therapy often takes place in clinical settings that can feel formal or intimidating, especially for retirees who might be hesitant about seeking mental health support.  I know that trying to get my 77-year-old father into a counselling office is just off the cards, too intimidating and out of his comfort zone.  Go for a walk, play golf, do something, then the pressure is off and we can have real conversations about difficult things.

That's why I offer mobile counselling throughout Bayside, Kingston, and Melbourne, meeting clients wherever they feel most comfortable.

The Golf Course Advantage

As The Golfing Counsellor, I've found that many retirees are more open to discussing their challenges whilst engaged in an activity they enjoy.  We play Ambrose over 9 holes in about 2 hours.  It gives us time to come together, time to think alone, time to take our time and a great structure to talk about key issues of retirement.  This is a perfect ice-breaker.

There's something about the rhythm of golf, the outdoor setting, and the side-by-side conversation that makes difficult topics easier to explore.

Real World Application

When we work in natural settings, walking through parks, sitting by the water or on the golf course, you can immediately begin practising new approaches to retirement life.  When we move, we automatically feel better as our bodies release endorphins, so it can make it easier to talk about difficult things.  We also are getting vitamin D and literally walking side by side. I can assess social anxiety and work with appropriate interventions on the spot. No theory, we are out in it.

Who says Counselling has to happen in a chair, it’s about the conversation right?

Reducing Stigma of Counselling for Boomer Generation

For many people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, traditional therapy can carry stigma. Meeting for what feels more like a meaningful conversation with a trusted advisor whilst engaged in an activity can feel more natural and less clinical.

Building on Existing Interests

Rather than adding another appointment to your calendar, we can integrate counselling into activities you already enjoy or want to explore.  We want to remove as many barriers to support as we can, why make it harder?

This makes the process feel more like an enhancement to your life rather than another obligation.

Counselling for Retirees: Moving from Surviving to Thriving

If you recognise yourself in the surviving category, know that change is absolutely possible at any age. Thriving in retirement isn't about having perfect health, unlimited finances, or an ideal family situation.

It's about making intentional choices about how to engage with the life you have.

The first step is often simply acknowledging that you want something more from retirement than just getting by. This isn't ungrateful or selfish, it's recognising that you have more to offer and more to experience.

Consider what aspects of thriving resonate most with you:

• Is it the need for more meaningful social connections?

• The desire to contribute your skills and experience?

• The wish to explore interests that have been on the back burner?

• Or perhaps it's about building resilience for the challenges that lie ahead?

  
  

Remember, retirement can span 20, 30, or even 40 years. That's potentially as long as your entire career was.

You deserve to make those years meaningful, connected, and fulfilling.

Frequently Asked Questions About Thriving in Retirement

What does it mean to thrive in retirement?

Thriving in retirement means living with purpose, maintaining meaningful connections, and feeling engaged with life rather than just passing time.

It involves having a sense of contribution, continued growth, and satisfaction with how you're spending your days. Thriving retirees feel energised by their activities, connected to their communities, and optimistic about their future, even whilst acknowledging the challenges that come with ageing.

Why do some retirees feel like they're just surviving?

Many retirees struggle because retirement involves significant losses—of identity, routine, social connections, and purpose—that aren't always acknowledged or addressed.

The transition from structured work life to unstructured retirement can leave people feeling adrift. Additionally, societal expectations that retirees should automatically be happy can prevent people from seeking help when they're struggling with this major life transition.

How can counselling help me thrive in retirement?

Retirement counselling helps you process the transition, clarify your values and goals, address relationship changes, and build resilience for future challenges.

It provides structure and support as you create meaning and purpose in this new life phase. Counselling can help you move from surviving day-to-day to actively building a fulfilling retirement that aligns with what matters most to you.

What are the keys to retirement fulfilment?

Key elements include maintaining meaningful social connections, finding ways to contribute your skills and experience, staying physically and mentally active, and aligning your activities with your core values.

Successful retirees often combine structure with flexibility, prioritise relationships, embrace learning opportunities, and find purpose beyond themselves whilst taking care of their physical and mental wellbeing.

Discover How to Thrive in Your Retirement

Retirement should be more than just surviving from one day to the next. You've earned the right to live these years with purpose, connection, and genuine satisfaction.

If you're ready to explore what thriving in retirement could look like for you, I'd love to start that conversation.

Whether you're newly retired and feeling lost, years into retirement but stuck in survival mode, or approaching retirement and wanting to plan for success, counselling can provide the clarity and support you need.

My approach is practical, flexible, and designed to meet you where you feel most comfortable. We might meet for a round of golf, a walk by the water, or simply in your own home—whatever setting helps you feel most at ease as we explore what thriving looks like for you.

Start with a free 15-minute consultation where we can discuss your retirement experience and explore how counselling might help you move from surviving to thriving.

There's no pressure—just an opportunity to see if this feels like the right kind of support for this important phase of your life.

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Book your free consultation today or call [phone number] to begin your journey towards retirement fulfilment.

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Lukas Winward is a qualified counsellor registered with the Australian Counselling Association, specialising in retirement transitions and fulfilment. As The Golfing Counsellor, he provides mobile counselling services across Bayside, Kingston, and Melbourne, helping retirees move from surviving to thriving in their golden years.